trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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