The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
