Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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