Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
