am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I love you. Go after that dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
