Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
