My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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