I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
