she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
