Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
