either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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