guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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