Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
