You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
