sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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