I hate all girls vehemently.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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