Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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