I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
