I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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