a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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