doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
