next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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