there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My dick has a subreddit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
