He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
