Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
