when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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