i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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