yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
