Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
