She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize