So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
