I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
