Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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