It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
