...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
