I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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