I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
