Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do vagina's smell?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
