ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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