Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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