In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
