Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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