just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
