I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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