why didn't you poke me back
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
