I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
