those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
