My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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