): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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