i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
