I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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