Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
