no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
