...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to stop coming to work sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
