Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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