i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
