We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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