your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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