this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize