oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
