The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
