my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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