he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
