I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
