I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
