she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
