It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
