you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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