Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
